I Wouldn’t Talk to My Friends the Way I Talk to Myself

I Wouldn’t Talk to My Friends the Way I Talk to Myself

Rewriting self-criticism into self-support

🔁 The Harshest Voice in My Life Is My Own

“Why can’t you ever get this right?”

“You should’ve done better.”

“Anyone else would’ve managed.”

I’ve spoken these lines countless times.

Not to strangers.

Not to colleagues.

Not even to people who disappointed me.

But to myself.

And here’s the thing that shook me:

I would never talk to my closest friend this way.

So why do I think it’s okay to do it to me?

🧠 The Double Standard of Compassion

With friends, I’m gentle.

I reassure. I encourage. I remind them of their worth.

With myself, I’m merciless.

I measure. I criticize. I demand.

Somewhere along the way, I confused self-accountability with self-abuse.

💡 The Turning Point

One evening, I journaled every self-criticism I threw at myself in a day.

Then I imagined saying those exact words to my daughter.

I couldn’t.

It felt cruel.

It felt wrong.

And yet, I was comfortable doing it to me.

That realization was the first step toward change.

✨ How I’m Rewriting My Inner Voice

1. Catch the Critic

When I hear myself saying “You’re failing,” I pause and ask: Would I say this to a friend?

2. Flip the Script

Instead of: “You messed up again.”

I try: “It’s okay, mistakes happen. Let’s see what’s next.”

3. Practice Neutrality Before Positivity

I don’t force toxic positivity.

I just aim for neutrality: “This is hard, but I’m learning.”

4. Anchor in Evidence

When self-doubt screams, I list what I have done right. Proof is louder than fear.

❤️ The Friend I Want to Be—to Myself

I’ve realized this:

I don’t need to be my biggest fan all the time.

But I also don’t deserve to be my biggest bully.

I just need to be a friend.

Patient. Honest. Kind.

The same way I already know how to be for others.

✅ What Next?

Next time your inner critic shows up, try this:

Imagine saying those exact words to your best friend.

If it feels cruel—rewrite it.

💬 Do you notice yourself being harsher on you than on others? How do you handle it?

Drop a comment or share this with someone who needs kinder self-talk.

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